i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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