Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
