my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
