i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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