You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
