Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's shark week go big or go home
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
