i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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