don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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