we have pet lesbian snakes
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
birth control should be required to get into college
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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