Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
