Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
