Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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