I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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