Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
