my mouth tastes like poor choices
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
