This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know her cup size but not her name....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
