I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
