maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
did i walk over a car last night?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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