it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
