I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
