non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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