I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
