sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
