...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
