Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
