The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
