Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.