I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
