Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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