Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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