And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
