Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
