Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
