The police scanner is talking about you again....
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
