She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
