you guys were way drunker than both of me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
