We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
