By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
