You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
