i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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