You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
