things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
