Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
