Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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