i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
