she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
