i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
