I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
