Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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