I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
