K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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