NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
