She's JV to your varsity
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
