remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
