That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Randomize
