Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
