my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
