Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
