dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
