when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
