I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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