you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
