its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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