It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
