That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
