I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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