It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Randomize
