Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
