the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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