I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
