Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
