I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
